Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
