You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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