Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
