i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
