I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
