he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
