Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
