"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
