he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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