Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
True but thats because hes a fetus.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
