I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
