I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
