how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
