i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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