Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My day in three words: secret purse cake
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
