My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
