it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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