Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
