Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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