Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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