I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
