i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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