I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
