2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
