i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
