My liver just broke up with me...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
