My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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