I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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