I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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