And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
