When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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