oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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