Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
