i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
