just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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