Dual....:-)
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I faked an abortion last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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