I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
