Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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