My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
