i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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