My liver just broke up with me...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
