I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
