If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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