wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
