i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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