Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
