i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
