my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
