the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
