I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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