She announced her abortion via fbk
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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