if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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