i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
