he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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