yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
