if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
