Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
