im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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