break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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