i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
