One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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