is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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