saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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