dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
