why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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