I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
